Emotional Regulation Page

Does my child need to see the School Counsellor?

This question comes up for many parents at some point in their child's life. Maybe your child doesn't seem the same lately, maybe you are noticing unusual behaviours, maybe your child received a recent diagnosis, maybe their teacher is concerned, or maybe they seem sad or anxious. The list goes on! You are not alone. Just like with adults, it is normal (and actually healthy) for kids to go through ups and downs.

So let us ask you some questions that may help. 

• Are your child's feelings or behaviours impacting their day to day life and functioning?

  As counsellors, we care a lot about this question because we get concerned if behaviours or feelings are getting to the point that most days are difficult. Perhaps your child has anger outbursts that are causing them to lose friends. Perhaps your child is so anxious or sad that they no longer want to do activities that would normally enjoy.

• Has the difference in your child's mood or functioning been going on for more than a week?

  There are many reasons your child might be having an "off" day that do not warrant them needing to see a counsellor. There are hormonal times of the month, disappointments that happen at school, fights with friends, and many other reasons they may seem "off". If you notice your child is still struggling after a few weeks, this might indicate they need some additional support. If you've tried what you can to support them at home and they are still struggling, let's talk!

• What other supports does your child have in place?

  We ask this because counselling may not even be the most relevant support for your child. Perhaps your child is struggling with behaviours that are related to a behavioural diagnosis or a learning disability. While we never like to put things into one box, perhaps behaviour intervention or learning support could be a more relevant support. Another consideration is how busy your child already is. Sometimes overloading a child with support can be overwhelming, and sometimes it even creates the idea for kids that they are not capable of succeeding on their own.

• What have you already tried?

  Have you had conversation with your child? Emotional support and validation from a caregiver go a long way. Mental Health Foundations -Parent Coaching has some great videos and resources that we encourage you to look at to help with developing a healthy/communicative relationship with your child. Other ideas that help many families include spending time together outside, doing activities with your child that they enjoy, or even considering getting support for yourselves (as parents). The best thing you can do for your children is to make sure you are getting the support you need.

• What do you think they could gain from going to counselling?

  We often hear the message "they just need someone to talk to." As much as counsellors love listening and talking to kids, we try to encourage you (as parents or caregivers) to try to be this person. A healthy attachment relationship is most helpful and healing when it comes from a regular caregiver versus a helping professional. If your child is really struggling emotionally or with another counselling related need, this answer may vary widely. Counselling methods vary but can include emotional coaching/validation, problem solving, offering tools for your child, helping your child walk through a difficult memory or scenario to process, and helping them find healthier ways of coping with their challenges. If you are unsure as to whether or not counselling could be helpful for your child, please reach out and ask. We are happy to point you in the right direction.